Sitting on the couch this morning drinking a cup of coffee, I received a text from one of my sisters-in-law. She encouraged me to check out a video on You Tube. I began crying before I even searched the video; that's just how broken my emotional flood gates are currently.
It was a video by a young woman who not only had a stillborn daughter, but was also diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer shortly after losing her daughter. It was a video about how although she had been tested time and time again by the devil, she still stood strong in her faith. She told her story from two perspectives: hers and God's. In the video, she proclaimed through her writing how God worked through her to touch his other children...and she was more than okay with that.
You wouldn't believe the amount of messages and emails that I have received from people claiming that Wyatt's story has changed their lives or hearts. I haven't given those claims enough credit because I have been too busy sulking in my own sorrows. I'm simply not there yet, but this woman in this video might just be my new role model.
Her words were perfect and heart warming. Her theories seemed on point and touched a place in my heart that has seemed to have gone dormant. As I sobbed listening to her words, I felt a tiny tinge of peace. Have I been angry at the wrong entity for taking my Wyatt? Have I been asking the wrong questions to the wrong being?
Now, I have NOT been miraculously healed by this lady's video, but she has opened my eyes just a little wider. I am not the picture perfect Christian, and I still have many insecurities about our circumstances, but I've said it once (or twice), and I'll say it again...I still believe. I am confident that if I continue to seek, I shall eventually find what I am looking for. Stranger things have happened. I believe that I will be reunited with my angel baby one day, and oh boy, I can't wait! With that said, I will still be sad. I will constantly miss our son. I will always long for and want him. My chest will continue to feel pain in uncomfortable and familiar situations. There will always be something missing during my life here on earth, but I can't let it cripple me. I have too much love to share. I have too much passion to tame. And I have too many people who love me regardless of my insecurities, failures, setbacks, and grief-stricken soul.
Please take a few minutes out of your busy day to watch this video. You may disagree with her words and her beliefs, but you have to give her credit for her courage and her strength.
http://youtu.be/I8AshaJQTIk
This girl right here (me) is in awe of Sara's writing and outlook. So, maybe she was right about God using her writing to help his other children... even if I am just another pawn in this game of life--------I have been moved.
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