When I started this BLOG I was on a mission. A mission to be the voice for our son and many other babies who are taken all too soon from us. I want it to be known that although he never took a breath of our air, he was alive. He was alive inside the hearts of my husband and me even before the positive pregnancy test. He was alive inside of my womb for 38 weeks. And he will be alive inside of our hearts and souls forevermore. I want it to be known that although death, especially infant death, is a taboo subject, I will not stop talking about it. My posts will not be sugar-coated or filtered to make anyone "comfortable". My comfort level has increased dramatically (without my permission), and will only help me to relate to others more often. You see, I am full of a lot of emotions currently, but embarrassment is not one of them. I am no different than any other mother of a newborn in the fact that I am proud of the little boy that was born five weeks ago today. I would show Wyatt's pictures to the world, but the WORLD is not ready;I have already found that out. He was perfect with all his tiny features; he appeared to be sleeping peacefully and was absolutely BEAUTIFUL! I am saddened that most people are scared to talk about my baby or our situation for fear that it might "rub off" on them or their perfect lives. I was there once. I was one of those people who think something so tragic could never happen to me. Wrong. My intentions are not to scare anyone, but to merely share my son with the world, in the only way that I can because what we remember lives on. I hope that my BLOG encourages others to research and educate themselves on pregnancy and infant loss, but also that that knowledge is only superficial and may never have to be put to use. With that said, there is an abundance of information out there that will assist the friends and family of bereaved parents and siblings as well. " The function of friends is to be the sounding board for grief."
The title for this BLOG came from the tiny gray book that was handed to us in the hospital. "A guide for parents whose child dies before birth, at birth, or shortly after birth." I scoffed at the book when I first saw it, and thought to myself, "This can't be happening, I will NOT need that book." The book contains some very interesting and real truths about the subject, that unfortunately now, my husband and I can relate to.
I admire you for starting this page. As a expectant mother myself, your situation has drawn my attention to the fact that nothing is promised and nothing is for certain. One week after I heard your story I was going in for my 4-D ultrasound (for the first of 4 attempts), and it appeared that my son was blowing bubbles in the fluid, as I questioned this, the nurse tells me that what I am seeing is the umbilical cord. The panic set in, it was up by his head. For 4 weeks straight I went back trying to see his sweet face, each time the umbilical cord being by his face, each time instant fear set in, but I remember your faith and that I cannot control what happens. That God controls all things on this earth and although we do not understand his actions always, there is a purpose. Tears flow at the thought of your loss and reading your story, but also a great admiration! For you to be so strong and be a consistent voice for your son. I look forward to continuing to read your story. I pray for many blessings on your sweet family. Everyday your in my thoughts and prayers as I can ONLY imagine the pain and heartbreak you endure daily.
ReplyDeleteKrystal, you and Wyatt are in my thoughts every single day. I think too often when you're pregnant sometimes it not "real"; you know you're holding a baby, but you always think that things will "really start" when you're holding him in your arms - everyday since I have found out what happened to Wyatt, I cherish each kick, each uncomfortable back ache, because this is a special time, and I know now that it should NOT be taken for granted. It breaks my heart that for me to understand that, you and your family had to go through what you went through, but please know that Wyatt has touched so many people. Your families story and struggle have touched the hearts of so many. I hate that you guys have to go through this, no one deserves to have this happen, especially not you all. He was your son, he was real, he was loved,and he will continue to be loved each and everyday. Your strength and grace throughout this is inspiring. I don't think I can ever put into words how much I admire you. I pray for you constantly, you, Waylon & Lyla are always on my mind ♥
ReplyDeleteI know that this blog isn't easy for either of you to read, but because you have, and even commented on it, shows me that you are truely compassionate people. I appreciate your kind words and prayers. I wish you both the VERY best in your pregnancies, as I know that you wished the same for mine. Lastly, thank you so much for remembering my sweet Wyatt.
ReplyDeleteIt isn't easy to read, but not for our own reasons, for the heartbreak that you all have had to endure. I cannot begin to know the emotions and feelings that you all are having to go through. But as Angela said it makes you cherish the back aches, the lack of sleep, the big belly and so on. I just admire you being as strong as you are in sharing with us your sweet baby boy. Wyatt will always live on in many of our hearts and thoughts.
DeleteThanks you Krystal. I continue to learn from you & Wyatt. I can relate in feeling the power of love between a mother and child.
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