4 years...

These hands haven’t felt the key strokes of my grief in quite some time. The truth is not that I’m “over it” or that I’m running out of things to say (let’s face it, that will never happen), but rather that life has done its job of keeping me busy. Being present with my work, family, and friends takes time, effort, and energy; all of those things which work together to make it darn near impossible to find the time to sit in front of a computer and go on and on about a baby that is gone…a sadness that is so deep…a life that is unfair…but I am making the time today to share some things with you…

 

1. I miss my forever baby…still. My once-aching (literally) arms were quickly and perfectly filled with Miss Nora, but I still miss those sweet red lips and soft brown hair of my second born.
    
2. I still have moments (days) of weakness and overwhelming sorrow.  I am still sensitive to others’ remarks regarding baby loss. I am still struck with pangs of guilt and anger at seemingly random times. I mean, let’s face it, 4 years is just a drop in the bucket of life.
    
3. It’s becoming more difficult to find ways to successfully include Wyatt in our lives. There’s only so much you can say about a baby that never fully lived. There are no funny stories to share, or frustrating tantrums to record. There are no more clothes or toys to hand down to the next kiddo in line. There are no new pictures to post or new activities to attend. There’s simply a memory of a baby that was very wanted, who ALMOST made it into this world, who would be completely adored by his sisters; a memory of a baby and a group of loved ones who are steadily rolling with the punches of time.
    
4. I am working hard to plan an angelversary celebration for a day that I dread ALL year. It’s one of 2 days that I request off of work in an entire year. It’s the only day that I would like to just crawl under my covers and swim in my tears. But what kind of a mother would I be? Although I should be arguing with a 4 year old about deciding on a star wars or superhero party, I will not let this day pass by without acknowledging a life that was real.   What kind of a role model for my girls would I be? I would like them to know that even when things get hard, you should never give up… and when you love someone so much you do what you can to show them you care. Simple as that.
    
5. People are awesome. I have some very sweet friends, a super family, and an amazing support system. I continue to get random messages of encouragement, thoughtful gifts from the heart, and willing participants in my sometimes gloomy conversations.
    
    
   This is where I want to talk about this year’s celebration. Right here. With awesome people. Because although I’ve met some pretty remarkable people, I just know there are more out there. Like the person who bought my coffee in the drive-thru the other day…the day I was driving to work with tears streaming down my face while singing Amazing Grace at the top of my over-worked lungs. Or the lady who paid for my cart full of school supplies at Wal-mart last month after she asked if I was a teacher and proclaiming “I’ve been there.” I still do not know these two individuals, but now my heart knows that they are out there…in our world…making things brighter one random act of kindness at a time.
    
   This is where you come in. This year we are encouraging folks to participate in a virtual angelversary celebration.
    
   In memory of our son, during the month of his 4^th birthday (APRIL), we invite you all to join us in doing random acts of kindness. We are in the process of making printable cards/flyers with more information about Wyatt that you are encouraged to leave behind when doing your random act of kindess. The link for these printables will be placed on the Facebook Event page entitled Wyatt’s Wingmen do Random Acts of Kindness. We inspire you to share your RAOK via social media on the FB page as well as with the hashtag #randomactsinhonorofwyatt. My goal is for total strangers to pay it forward…can you imagine what would happen in this world if every one person did something kind for someone else, with no strings attached!? Some of you may be thinking that you can’t afford to buy someone’s groceries or to spend the money that feeds your children, and we are not asking you to do so. A small list of ideas will be included at the bottom of this post…but let’s get creative…
    
   LET YOUR LIGHT SHINE!
   Let your light shine for all those babies (especially our Wyatt) whose lights were dimmed entirely too soon.
    
    
   Go out and throw kindness around like confetti!
    
    
    
    
    
   Random Acts of Kindness Ideas :
   1) Pay for the person’s meal behind you at a drive thru restaurant.
   2) Make or buy dinner for a friend – drop off a gift card or send one via email
   3) Bring donuts or bagels to work
   4) Leave quarters in a vending machine or washing machine for the next person.
   5) Leave any coupons you don’t need on top of the products at the store.
   6) Carry around snacks/drinks in the car to give to homeless people.
   7) Draw a picture (or have you child draw a picture) and send it to someone in the mail
   8) Write a letter or send a “just because” greeting card to let someone know you were thinking about them
   9) Write a letter to someone (teacher, parent, ecclesiastical leader, etc.) who has made a difference in your life and thank them
   10) Leave a larger tip than you normally would
   11) Offer to watch someone’s children so they can take a break
   12) Tell a random parent you see that they are doing a good job
   13) Smile!
   14) Let someone go ahead of you at the grocery store
   15) Buy a cookie for a child at the store
   16) Donate children’s books/toys to a doctor’s office, a shelter, a daycare, etc.
   17) Help someone carry their grocery bags
   18) Drop off a book to someone who you think might like it
   19) Make goodies for your neighbors
   20) Let your spouse sleep in
   21) Make your spouse/child/roommate etc. breakfast in bed
   22) Put a tip in a tip jar somewhere
   23) Leave a nice comment on someone’s picture or status on Facebook or Instagram
   24) Leave random sticky notes with fun or kind quotes on the mirror of a public restroom
   25) Take someone’s cart back (or, gather up carts that others left behind)
   26) Offer to give someone your cart as they are walking up to the store
   27) Let someone have the better parking spot
   28) Send flowers to someone anonymously (or pick them from your yard!)
   19) Doorbell ditch a homemade treat
   20) Go to a retirement center and visit with anyone who looks lonely
   21) Pay the toll for someone behind you
   22) Leave nice comments on random blogs
   23) Compliment someone randomly (whether you know them or not!)
   24) Drop off someone extra vegetables and fruits to someone
   25) Give up your seat on a bus
   26) Buy dessert for someone at a restaurant anonymously
   27) Clean someone’s windshield – leave behind the windshield scraper or a can of de-icer
   28) Send a thank you note through the mail
   29) Hold the door for someone
   30) Find someone who is moving to give extra boxes to
   31) Talk to the cashier at the store about their day
   32) Buy lunch for someone
   33) Help someone move (or offer to help clean)
   34) Drop off a pizza to someone who just had a baby, had surgery, or you just think might need a break from dinner making
   35) Volunteer somewhere – soup kitchen, homeless shelter, animal shelter, etc.
   36) Leave tickets sitting around randomly at an arcade or fair or give them to a young child
   37) Send extra copies of a nice photo to the people who are in them
   38) Send a care package to a soldier, missionary, or college student
   39) Pick up trash off the street
   40) Leave laundry detergent behind for someone at a the laundry place.
   41) Leave a money inside a redbox movies you return for the next person to buy snacks with.