My Dear Wyatt- It's been a year

My Dear Wyatt-

I often wonder what your life in Heaven is like. Are you wearing a brilliant white gown and do your bare feet tickle as they touch the soft clouds? Do you hear the angels singing and do you greet new babies as they enter? Do you frolic in the gardens, holding hands with Grandma or does she rock you constantly as she tells you about the love we have for you?  Can you hear me when I talk to you and tell you that I miss you? Can you see me as a tear falls down and gets caught on the corner of my smile as I think of you, my beautiful son? I wonder...

It was one year ago that we realized you would not be staying with our family to live on this Earth. It was one year ago that we weren't given the choice to have to say goodbye before we truly even had the chance to say hello. It was one year ago that our hearts were broken because our arms were empty. It was one year ago that we had to tell your eager big sister that she would never meet you...until she got to Heaven. It was one year ago that we had to learn to walk, talk, and breathe again...in a whole different world; a world without you.

Mommy truly can't believe that it has been 12 months since I held your precious body, kissed your plump cheeks, and smelled your sweet baby smell. I miss you, my son.

Until you entered our world, although lifeless you may have been, I'm not sure I truly understood what honest, pure, and unconditional love was. Don't get me wrong, I loved (still do) certain people with a never ending and selfless love, but those people were able to reciprocate my feelings and to show their appreciation of my love for them. When you came along, I realized that I loved a being that would never open his eyes to see me, who would never grasp my finger with his little hands, who would never utter a single sound, and who would be physically gone in the blink of an eye. That little being was you, Wyatt.

I owe many thanks to you, little buddy, for opening Mommy's eyes up to a world of faith and love not known before your presence.

I just wanted to let you know that Mommy loves you more and more with each new day...and with each new day the closer I become to holding you again...oh what a perfect day that will be. Until then- continue to send us kisses on butterfly wings and hugs through the breeze.

 love you to Heaven and back,

Mommy