Lost?

One in four women lose a child to miscarriage, pregnancy, or infant LOSS.

But what many don't realize is that we have lost so much more than just our babies; I didn't just lose a newborn six months ago...

I lost an infant. I lost a toddler. I lost a child. I lost a teenager. I lost a young man.

I lost dreams.

I lost his holidays and his birthdays.

I lost chances to watch him grow and to parent him.

I lost the opportunities for late night feedings and early morning smiles.

I lost my naiveness and much of my hope for good things.

I lost my optimistic and "life is great" outlook on things.

I lost confidence.

I lost tears...many, many tears.

Wait a minute. I'm not sure "lost" is ever the right word to use here. I didn't "lose" anything.  It was taken from me.

Death TOOK my baby.

My joys of being his mother were all stolen as well and I will never, in this life, get any of that back.

My rose colored glasses were stripped off my face and I have been forced to view this terrifying place in all its realness. Be thankful if you are someone who gets to skip through this life wearing those tinted shades while so many others suffer with the reality of pain and loss. I don't mean that in a "I wish everyone had to suffer" sort of way, but really, be thankful.


My baby should be a giggling, sitting up, cooing 6th month old getting ready for his first Halloween with his big sister. However, he's not...but he was NOT lost. As long as I live, he will never be just another lost baby. He is my son, and I will spend all of my days making sure that his memory is kept alive.


*This was written on October 31st, 2012, but somehow did not post on that day*